


I always knew you were my way out of hell

by LadyGhoost



Category: Cain Saga and Godchild
Genre: Dark, Death, Last book, Love, M/M, Mention of abuse, Romance, Suicide, Tragedy, mention of rape, talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 16:32:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18450398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyGhoost/pseuds/LadyGhoost
Summary: Being on the brink of death, is that what it takes for them to talk to each other? Cassian had hoped to return to something else, yet he refuses to leave Jezebel's side, even if he knows where it will end.





	I always knew you were my way out of hell

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, Lady Ghost here. Don't worry, this isn't another long story. Just like my Pitch and Jack story, this is just a one shot.
> 
> I wrote this years ago, when I was around 13 or so, two years after I read Godchild for the first time. Found it, yesterday, decided to rewrite it to something better and post it. As a kid, Jezebel was such a huge part of my life for so many different reasons, and I loved him with Cassian, and would have loved if the eight book ended like this. I like the original ending as well, this would just have made me happier. Anyway, I will most likely write a longer Godchild story one day, but this isn't it. 
> 
> I don't think I need to say much more, everything is self explained in the story, oh but if you haven't read the last book (for some reason), don't read it! Stay away until you are done with it.
> 
> Oh, also, english isn't my first language, so I apologise for any mistake, hope you like it anyway.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it (as much as you can, seeing what happens).

"I am not letting you go! Not when I am seeing you again." He met the weak violet eyes, seeing how life was slowly leaving them.   
"Cassian just let me die" Jezebel’s voice wasn’t more than a whisper, as he closed his eyes, before he coughed blood, something that almost made Cassian’s stomach turn on him, but he tried to force away everything he felt, and just focus on the man in his arms.  
“How can you even say such things? I have no intention of letting you die, I didn’t save your life just so you could die” he tried to joke, but he failed miserable. Jezebel didn’t answer him, if it was because he was to weak, or didn’t understood that he had tried to joke, Cassian couldn’t tell. “Please talk to me”  
As long as the other man talked, Cassian would know that he was alive. It was cruel, asking that of Jezebel, seeing he was in pain, but for once Cassian wished to be selfish. The room around them had started to collapse, yes the whole tower, but he didn’t care to much about it as long as the doctor spoke to him.  
“Why did you return?” Cassian met the violet eyes when the doctor opened them, and he didn’t know if he wished to laugh or cry over the question. For being such a brilliant man as he was, he could be really stupid. But other people’s actions had often taunted or of strange for the younger man, yet Cassian wondered if Jezebel really had been this blind all those years.

 

“Isn’t it obvious?” he asked, without getting an answer. “I don’t hate you, even if that’s most likely what you thought. I confess that I wasn’t too pleased when you gave me this body, Cassandra’s body, but that’s not because you forced me to live. No it’s because of what the man did to you, how he touched you, what he said, and what he forced you to do. I could no longer be near you, being a reminder of that every time you save me”  
Jezebel seemed taken by his words, like he couldn’t understand how considerate someone could be towards him, and it was no wonder. Jezebel wasn’t used to it, Cassian knew that, he knew that all too well, but it still saddens him every time he saw the pain across the doctors face. How he was scared of those words, how they were estranging to him, and how he expected a betrayal. Slowly, to give Jezebel some time to hinder him, he started to stroke his hair, in a comforting way. Jezebel didn’t say anything, but Cassian could tell that he leaned into the touch, and it made him smile. That the hands that created so much pain towards the other man, could give him some comfort. That they didn’t only brought distraction, and horror. Cassian knew all too well what Cassandra had done Jezebel, what had happened when they were alone, when he hadn’t been there to save him. Cassandra had taunted him with it, and it sickened him, that someone could do such things, and not to just anyone, but to Jezebel, his Jezebel. Cassian was upset over how much the other one had been forced to go through, and to him it was no surprise that the doctor had gone mad, he was more surprised over that it wasn’t worse. For living through everything the younger one did, without breaking, Cassian thought of him as one of the strongest persons he knew. However; it sometimes scared him how little the other one showed, even now, he barely let the pain be viewable up on his face. But Cassian knew how the doctor felt, not only now, about everything. How many times hadn’t he heard him cry out in the night? How many times hadn’t he found him, almost out of it? Those were the times Jezebel accepted his help, even if the situation was horrible, it was some of Cassian’s favourite moment, because he could show the doctor some compassion, and give him a gentle touch. He never knew if Jezebel noticed, but he hoped he would. The only time he really could tell what Jezebel felt, was the moment he was around animals. How the happiness clearly showed on his face, how gentle he touched them, and what ridicules attempt he went to save them. Cassian thought it was very sweet, just as he looked down, meeting Jezebel’s eyes again.

 

Neither of them had said anything, not surprising, seeing Jezebel rarely was the one engaging in conversation.  
“That’s why I left you, I tried to protect you” he whispered, giving him a small, but warm smile. For a second Jezebel seemed confused, once more, like he had forgotten what they talked about.  
“You pained me more when you left, leaving me here” Jezebel confessed and Cassian knew he would never do that if he wasn’t badly wounded. Hearing how honest he was both made him worried, sorrowed, but also pleased, that the other one decided to be honest with him, even if he wished that the situation was different.  
“It was never my intention to cause you pain, and I hoped I could find a way out for you, without being there, reminding you of him. But apologise for the pain I caused you” Cassian met his eyes, before he slowly took Jezebel’s hand. He felt how the other one became tense for a second and Cassian almost let go of him, before Jezebel relaxed and held his hand as well as he could. Being able to touch him like this, was different, and it made Cassian’s heart beat a bit faster, something Jezebel seemed to have noticed, seeing how he looked at him, but he didn’t comment on it. Maybe he was hindered by another cough, or because he didn’t know what to say.  
“Don’t leave me” it was a ridicules request, seeing how much red the doctors clothes were. Cassian wished he could take the other man in his arms and carry him out of the building, but he saw that the way out was destroyed, and he would need to take ways out, that Jezebel wouldn’t be able to follow.

 

“Then keep talking to me” Jezebel ordered him, and for a second he almost sounded like his old self, even making Cassian smile for a second.   
“I don’t know what you want me to say? I should be mad at you, probably are, but the worry is grater, repressing the anger. I told you, I told you to leave your father, told you that he would lead to your death! Why did you even save him? He doesn’t even care, left as soon as you had saved him” The anger he felt for Alexis was clear, and if it hadn’t meant that he needed to leave Jezebel, he had gone after the other man, ending him. But he stayed where he was, looking at the bullet wound, he tried to press something against it, hindering the bleeding, but it was as much as he could do. Despite all the years he had known the doctor, and worked for him, he knew surprisingly little about saving a life. Maybe it was because it was never their goal, but at this moment he really wished he had learned something.  
“I had to, I couldn’t watch him die” was all that Jezebel answered and Cassian sighed, he knew he couldn’t be mad about it, not at Jezebel at least. Alexis had raised him like that, twisted his mind, making him think that all he did was for love. Making Jezebel reach for something that was never there, making him dream of something Alexis would never give him. The man founded pleasure in seeing Jezebel tremble, the pain he was in, and how the hate consumed him. Cassian pulled the doctor closer, as he tried to protect him from just the thought of Alexis. He didn’t wish for Jezebel to think about him in a moment like that, Alexis didn’t deserve it, he didn’t deserve to be on anyone’s mind.

 

“How am I going to live without you?” Cassian whispered those words, afraid that they would be true any seconds.  
“You will find a way, you always have. And you will be free from me, you can do whatever you wish for, not needing to care for my needs” Cassian couldn’t hinder himself from snorting at those words.  
“Ignorant kid” he stated, looking at Jezebel. “I never minded taking care of you, seeing that you clearly couldn’t take care of yourself. I even liked it, being around you, nothing was dull, and the moments I could take care of you, showing you some beauty of the world, always gave me satisfaction”  
Jezebel met his eyes with an angry look, showing him that he didn’t liked to be called a kid, or that he needed to be taken care off. Cassian couldn’t do anything else than laugh, seeing that Jezebel would always be the same, but Cassian didn’t fear him as he once had, especially not when he was holding him in his arms, his hands in his. He was on the brink of answering, when a shadow fell up on them. Seeing the familiar features of Riff, Cassian pulled Jezebel closer to his chest, as he went for his gun.  
“I beg you, help me save Cain” both men blinked at the request, surprised that their enemy would came to them. Maybe he hoped that Jezebel would have some love for Cain, and enough hate for Alexis to help him. Or maybe it was because he knew that the doctor knew how to help him, that despite everything he did, he was a skilled man.  
“There is a way, but it will only give you one day, are you going to waste it on Cain?” Jezebel asked it, without taunting him, no he sounded rather curious. Cassian knew that Jezebel may never understood the desire Riff felt, but Cassian did. If Riff had given him one chance to save Jezebel, even if it only was for a day, he would take it, without hesitating.   
“Help me!” Riff demanded and Jezebel smirked, grasping for the scalpel he had near.  
“Don’t waste my blood, Riff” Jezebel took his eyes of the butler, and turned towards him, and Cassian wished to scream, and tackle the other one to the ground.  
  
“Don’t do this” Cassian begged of him, feeling far from ready, he didn’t notice the tears until Jezebel slowly and gently stroke them away.  
“It has always been you Cassian, only you. I knew you were my way out of hell, but I never dared to follow that path, scared of what would await me. I chose to stay in hell, a familiar place, being selfish and hoping you would stay here with me forever, rather than go out there, in a free world, not knowing what would happen. As long as we were here, I knew you were always by my side” Cassian closed his eyes, unsure if he heated to hear those words or not. If the situation would have been different, he would most likely have loved them, but knowing what would happen when the Doctor was finished, made him hate them. “I have never told you, maybe because I didn’t realise until now, or maybe because I was scared. But I know you knew, however I wish for you to hear it, before…”  
Jezebel felt silent for a second or two, until Cassian opened his eyes, trying to prepare for it.  
“I love you Cassian”  
“It’s not going to change anything, you are still going to do it, but I love you too” Cassian whispered back before he leaned in, once again giving Jezebel a chance to hinder him, but he didn’t. He soon felt the Doctor’s soft lips up on his own, and he kissed him gentle, wishing to show the other man how much he loved him. He stroked him over the hair, wishing to hold him close forever, but it was impossible, and when they pulled apart, he could see that the Doctor had closed his eyes. He couldn’t hinder a smile, seeing how peaceful the younger one looked, like the angel Cassian often thought he resembled.   
“Thank you” Jezebel met his eyes one last time, before he slits his throat with ease. Cassian felt how the blood covered parts of him and saw how it covered Riff. Cassian turned his brown eyes towards the younger one, and gave him a stern look.  
“Don’t you dare to waste a single drop of that blood!” he warned him, and he saw hot the butler nodded in respect, before he drank the blood. For a second he thought he saw sorrow in Riff’s eyes, something that angered him, seeing the man had no reason to feel sorrow. “Go to Cain, save him from Alexis!”  
“Thank you” Riff gave him one last nod before he left the room, to go and find his master, like he always did. Cassian thought of how much they resembled each other, always running after the two idiotic brothers. Cassian turned towards Jezebel’s lifeless body, closing his eyes, before he took his hand, and kissed it, with a smile. He knew all too well what he was going to do, he wasn’t sure if Jezebel had understood it, but Cassian knew from the beginning. He closed his hand around the gun, wishing for it to go fast.  
“I am coming for you Jezebel” he whispered, before he pulled the trigger.

 


End file.
